I'm so irritated and pissed and depressed now. Yes, what else, with that guy againobviously. I've really had enough. I break down so many times because of that idiot, and I feel so stupid for doing such a stupid thing for him.

to you, darius.

i'm not trying to flame you or any sort. i just need bloody answers from you. what the hell did i do to deserve this bloody treatment? just cause i didn't want to accept you to be my boyfriend, you want to try force me instead? threaten me with your own life etc. i already say, i don't want to be with you but we can still be good friends. But no, you don't bloody want to. Just cause you're so selfish that you don't want to be my friend just cause i'm not with you. What the hell is that? That's just a damn idiotic excuse. If you really cared about me, you wouldn't do all these things. i really wonder whether everything you said to me were just lies, cause you don't even treasure the friendship you had with me. i cared so bloody deeply about you cause you were that special friend whom i always loved, but i just cant get the same response in return.

All your lies and empty threats and excuses all boils down to this. You're insincere, fake and don't goddamn care about me. You only think about yourself ok? Yes I think so, because if you really cared, you wouldn't have left me just like this. You tell me to forget you, but that's just an excuse cause YOU'RE the one who wants to forget me. Don't think people don't tell me what you say. so then you just hurt me so much to a point that i can never forget about you, and here you are having the time of your life, especially when i'm not around. so you can't bloody say that you're just putting on a bloody act. yeah, and so you leave me feeling like this, unable to do anything. how selfish can you get.

you bloody hell know that i don't want to bloody forget about you and i don't want you to forget me because i still bloody hell care for you cause you were the greatest guy friend i could ever ask for. you were always there for me when i needed you and i always wanted to help you in any way. i want to be your friend and be there for you cause you're still an important part of my life. it's just too bad you only think about yourself, just cause i don't want to be with you. it's such a pity. you actually were a great person. in fact, you were someone really special. i hope you bloody think what you've done. i don't bloody deserve this. you don't know how much pain you've given me, darius. i know i have made you feel upset too, but what you're doing now is just too much. now's not the time for revenge.

i hope that got into your bloody big head.

--

gosh i'm so pissed off i want to cry again.